First of all (((((((((((((((Atreyu)))))))))))))))))))))

Second of all it sounded like you described me to a "T."

3rdly (word?) as you grow in your healing there seems to be plenty of people
ready to be your friend, like us for example. I think you have a lot to give here as do most everyone.

Just something to think about...
The Last but not Least *Please don't take this negatively* as I have not great ways at saying things correctly these days...
Just a ?
Why do you feel you ought to give Trust, quickly anywhere?
I do have to say though that you do have to eventually trust so you can get some help... Try not to be so hard on yourself. I think your doing awesome.

You are a good person from what I have seen now just believe that and your well on your way.

Take care (((((Atreyu)))) and stay safe, we need people like you around here, imo!