Taking ownership of our feelings when we have had them invalidated so much by others is a big step. What I am understanding is that you are coming to terms with your own feelings and struggling against the old lies you were told that you have no right to them.

I have self-doubts and fears myself so I can relate that much, but you have had to fight so much more for your own right to be yourself than I ever have. I can see you trying so hard to encompass your hurts, your fear of being punished for acknowledging them, trying to just be your own self when you remember so strongly being told you had no independent worth, and the urge to just shut it all off and have no feelings at all. It must be difficult to process all this, to connect the dots as you phrase it so well. I admire your strength ... I see a lot of persistence and tenacity behind your self-expression here.

It may help to remember: you do have worth as your own person, with your own needs and feelings, with no obligation to anyone except as YOU choose. You were lied to, at an age when none of us expect that because we are so absolutely trusting. It wasn't the fault of that person inside that processing the message of having no intrinsic worth, and having awful experiences, was beyond their capacity to recognize as just lies and abuse at the time it happened. It's not your fault now that it still haunts you so strongly. I like to offer whatever support and acceptance I can to others - talking with you I feel I am getting better at doing that, and gain acceptance myself. You are doing good, you really are. The world is a better place with you around! You DO have value, just by being you. And yes, I am going to be a royal pain and repeat that as often as possible.

I wish you all the best with this. ((((((DPS))))))