I understand where you are coming from Trip. I think we all know that love hate relationship with mania. The best times in my life happened when I was manic. Why wouldn't I love mania?

What finally turned me around to see mania as the abusive lover are the crashes. I can't take the crashes as well as I used to. It gives me a different perspective on the mania. Its just not worth it anymore. Of course when the mania hits with all its over the top energy and enthusiasm and creativity and brilliance.... I fall in love again and have to do battle with my reckless self to reallign my priorities.

I am hardly the authority on med treatment (that's an understatement says she who is med phobic) but based on what I have heard others around here say it may be a med adjustment can pull back the zombie effect. Keep working it because again based on other reports it takes time to find the right medication, dosage and\or combination that works for you.

Yes mania can be a dream state but sadly it doesn't last and the after effects are cause enough to cut the love affair.

Wishing you success in your search for the meds that give you the normalcy you want without it zapping away your muchness. Take good care.