Lauru: I have applied and they said I would get $700/mo, I tell ya I will find a way to make that enough to live off of because as of the last 4-5mos I have been living off of nothing at all besides the $200/mo food stamps I get and being Ani I dont use much of that. The fact that your focusing on what coulda/ shoulda been is whats keeping you depressed. You can't change the past, all you can do is accept it for what it was, let it be and focus on what you CAN do in the present. Its easy to say I know but hard to do... I hope things take an upwards turn for you soon.

Ericmacia: I know those feeling all too well, they are scary. I often feel as though I am standing on a desolate plane yelling and crying at the top of my lungs and no one bothers to care enough to even ASK whats wrong... Quit trying to do whats right for him and start doing what feels right for you as you cant make someone else be happy or be concerned if they just are not...

Me: Today I feel depressed, anxious, lonely, broken, kinda paranoid, and as though my existence is irrelevant and a sham... I dont know how better to explain it than that. I feel worthless, like I have no place in this world and am wasting space and air and existence that could better be used on someone else... I hate being alive and wish more than anything it was me with stage 4 lung cacner instead of my dad because I would gladly die from it in his stead as opposed to going through all the treatments and trying to live.

Thats one thing that gets me, there are so many people dying in this world who want to live and then here's me all I want to do is die and can't. I would gladly give mine up for anyone else but alas the powers that be have decided that I am to suffer here in this horrible place until the end of eternity... I dont fear dying as I am starting to believe I never will, and not for lack of trying... IDK kinda messed up in the head more so today I guess....