Medicated,
The hospital may be a good idea, especially since you feel so low and are having self destructive behaviors and urges. I have been there too, many times before. The hospital has usually helped me in the past. A place to rest without having to worry about anything other than your health and recovery. It's sort of a time out, a break.
__________________
Lauru-------------That's me, Bipolar and Watching TV 
I shall be telling this with a sigh
Somewhere ages and ages hence:
Two roads diverged in a wood, and I—
I took the one less traveled by,
And that has made all the difference.
---Robert Frost