((((((((((((((WePow))))))))))))))))))

That is a really interesting insight.
Have you done other things in the past to push away your T?
Did you talk to your T about them, and did it help?

I think self-preservation is instinctual and it makes a lot of sense to have certain thoughts and behaviors that our minds think will save us, even if ultimately they end up hurting us.

I don't think sui thoughts would ever push your T away permanently.
You have a good T.
But I think it is a great topic to talk about in therapy because the more we can be aware of the obstacles, the easier it is to get around them.