Yesterday was one of those days and today is worse. I had to put everything in it's place. Makes me so angry. If everything isn't right I get so anxious. At the moment my house is perfect. It's perfect because I HAD to put everything in order. But putting everything in order hasn't taken away the feeling. Right now I am so wound up. It's exhausting. I just made a post and when I tried to submit it something went wrong and I lost it. I'm so exhausted and now I have to write it again. RRRRrrrr!
When i get into the fix it mode I can't stand anything being out of place. One night I even had to take the pictures off the walls. I throw things away that I probably should keep. I even had to empty out the letter holder last night because I couldn't stand the sight of the stuff in it. What is a letterholder for if I cannot put the letters in it? Sounds so crazy and it is. Today I was desperately trying to find a cupboard to hide the washing basket in so that i didn't have it in the wrong place. It's just so ridiculous. But very real and not something that I want to stop even though i do want to stop. Very crazy. I just have to have things perfect. This is not even half of what goes on and I don't know if i even make sense.
I'm not asking for any advice on how to stop this OCD because I have started seeing a doctor and I don't want to confuse myself. I just wanted to tell someone about what I've been having to do, because it's hell. I know at the time that it's stupid but cannot stop.