I use to use "suicide" to ask for help. I didn't have the words, inside or literal, to explain what I was feeling or any other way to express the concept of "help me please". I didn't know what that was or what I needed! When things would get really bad, I'd call a help line and get a referral/suggestion to call someone or do something concrete and I could follow those instructions.

I still remember when I decided to call my therapist after having not seen her for 9 years, went to the library to get a possible phone number; my library had phone books across a large local region, and I got the number and then immediately went and found several books about suicide to check out. The: I'm safe, I will have my therapist again versus: Oh good, let's read about suicide was so startling it got even my attention so I decided to see where I was taking myself with this and checked out the books. I made the first appointment with my T, which wasn't until 2 or 3 weeks later, and then settled to read the books and "observe" myself and thoughts while I read them.

It turned out that the "idea" of suicide, the "concept" if you will, was like a floorboard for me, a "base". I wasn't at all suicidal but I did feel extremely anxious and confused so it was like the books were anchoring me, giving me a reference point.

I can very much believe you could be using the telling of such subjects to your T to try to push him away, WePow, or, to make you feel like that is what you're doing so you feel safer or more comfortable with him?