me too...but i keep dreaming of the light heefman mentioned,,its hard because sometimes it feel the only one holding the chisel to break through the tunnel is ourself,,i wont give up soon ,, i hope you dont either ,, if i give up im doomed to a life of unhappiness ,, its been long enough ,, i would rather spend my time at least searching than to keep wallowing in my sorrow ,, it hurts to not know where to turn next ,, but i hope you can stay positive ,, i think i have at least 30 years left,,i dont want it spent in misery............