((((jewels))))

I have read your words and re-read your words trying to find words to say back that would comfort and let you know that you are not alone. My heart cries with your heart and my tears falls with your tears as I feel your pain and hear your cries deep within myself. Maybe even deeper than I know myself.

The feelings you have are valid and they make sense. The feelings of someone there but not knowing of where they are or exactly what they hold resinates somewhere deep within my own being. That cry that does not stop and the one you know needs something, the one that is crying out somewhere in a darkness of pain that no one has ever heard or known.

Please know that she is safe right now and her cries are the beginning of letting you know she is there. When the time is right you will know both where she is and what she is telling you. Her tears have been safe for all these years and will continue to be safe until you are ready to hear and accept what she is holding.

I know for us the emotions and feelings have been held safely back in a place that I never knew existed until now. But the truth is that makes sense as it was not safe to feel or even have emotions and they were pulled inside safe until I was ready. As hard as it is there was and is a reason for why I have not received them yet and I think that for many that is how it is.

I hear your hurt and your pain through your words and I feel the fear that screams right next to it. Truth is hon, that pain, hurt, and fear have a reason and have a place. Trust your system who has kept you safe all these years to continue to protect you until the time comes for you to receive what is hidden. The silent cries that fall down your heart do not go unheard. We hear you and we care.

The shattered ruins you speak of on the inside are not alone. The pain that screams out within and pounds over and over internally and leaves no path to get out of is slowly getting out as you and the others listen and come together to allow that pain to be heard. It is coming out as it needs to slowly for if it came out too fast you might not be able to withstand all the pain.

Trust your self and your system. I know for us my system has always been there to step in and take what I could not take and they are still protecting me and giving to me what I can and am ready to handle right now. It took time to get to where we are and it will take time to get where we we want to be. And you deserve to allow yourself that time. You will get there one step, one minute (sometimes one second), one day at a time.

I hear the fear of moving but the fear of not moving screams sometimes even louder. If we stand still we are engulfed but if we take a risk to move we give ourself the chance to step out and though the risks are great the idea of not risking leaves us hopelessly right where we are. You all deserve to move and to find relief and hope and to reach and receive all the love and acceptance possible.

I see the beauty each day you step out and reach out to share a piece of yourself, to risk reaching and looking inside, to feel that pain and hurt that runs so deep, to accept yourself for the wonderful person you are. The bud that is beginning to process needs to be watered and taken care of, to be fed and listened to, to be looked after and tended to and she will grow into a beautiful flower.

Each of us starts out as that bud that has been often times left to choke beneath the weeds and darkness. But with time and care we can clear away those weeds and begin to allow the light to shine it's warmth upon us. We can then begin to receive that water and the roots can begin to grow deep allowing that beautiful flower to blossom and grow. One that will be in full bloom in time with the right care. You will blossom my friend and see the beauty that we see.

I do hear you about all wanting to talk, to be heard, yet afraid at the same time. To need yet not to need. To want to be yet not want to be. Not knowing one another well or at all. Stepping lightly trying to learn of others. In time you will. To respect one another and to be respected. I know it is no fun but it will be worth it as you work to come together for the whole. You are not alone my friend for I hear and understand what you are saying. Having those within that are willing to help out and take those littles into the play room where they are safe and feel comfort.

We do hear you and we understand. The pain is real and the feelings are real. We are reaching out in understanding and support. You do not have to walk this path alone. I know it feels alone and it feels as though no one is listening but we are and we understand. I care. Sending you many gentle hugs and loving thoughts. Always.

dps