I can't stop this...I have nowhere else to turn. I can't seem to control myself anymore. Me and my bf are fighting and I can't bear to not to be talked to or acknowledged anymore. He hasn't talked to me all night and I know he's hurting too, but I really need to talk with him about what's going on between us.

I'm sleeping alone again...this is a warning signal. Well he's sleeping on the couch because he's sick and it hurts for him to move, but on the other hand I think it has more to do with me...

I already took 4 trazodone...I want to take the whole bottle! No, I can't because that will really kill him to find me dead. His not talking to me is killing me, though. It's the one way to really make me think it's over and that I'm a piece of crap.

I don't know what to do anymore...or where to go for help right now...it is 1:57 AM here. I know I need someone to talk to right now, but there's no one I feel comfortable with awake right now.