Hey Window
I am in the very same boat as you. I am fully aware I'm a raging alcoholic and am not doing much about it. I'm at least admitting it but I don't want to stop-- YET at the same time want to stop. Hence I'm on this forum. I need help. I know I need to find a meeting and I need to start the process but I don't want to be an alcoholic.
I know what I need to do.
I'm a gigantic MESS and I am happy to find your post. Its nice to see everyone's posts -- its helpful to know we're not alone.
I need some strength -- I don't fully know how to find it myself. I've been making a huge *** out of myself for too long, and tired of being painfully hung over. I really need to clean up my act.
Hope you're well/better/sane/found help etc. It'd be nice to know how you are.
lkc