~~~D.P.S~~~I am glad you have reached out.(((you are safe))).We turn to our abusers often though we are their victims....because this was what was required to survive.And at times; because in their presence, we regress.It is not 'crazy sounding'.It is a typical factor in the life of the abused.Once you have 'believed them ,you have suffered twice.Because you then feel that you cannot trust your own judgement.I am so sorry for your deep purple terror and scars,that ran so deep as to rob your freedom of thought too.I am pleased that you have this friend,and that you have the courage and the outlet of the written word.You matter,your feelings matter,your kindness to so many here matters,how far you have come matters,how you keep going matters,and little you matters....to so many here at p.c who may never see your face.But......does a blind child not love their mum just because they can't see her?You are growing,expanding,hurting,healing,helping,and.....you matter!....~WOolf~