I am sorry to tell you this but YOU ARE NOT UNIQUE, YOU ARE NOT BROKEN, YOU ARE ILL. I will share a bit of my story of how far a dug myself in a hole before I started to participate in my recovery.

It has been a long, arduous seven years since my diagnosis. I have had to endure several years of the doctors adjusting medication that are absolutely necessary but have horrible side effects. I had to relinquish custody of my little girl as I was to sick to care for her and did not want to model dysfunction for her. I had to resign from my career in biomedical research at a university as I was to sick to work. I have been hospitalized on psych units where I was denied my support system and my dignity. I have had to endure the judgement of friends and family members shrinking away from me, due to the stigma of mental illness, almost as if I was contagious. I have survived four extreme suicide attempts. Finally, I gave up on myself and isolated, rarely leaving my home. I abandonded all of my interests; reading, quilting, cooking, going to the beach. I felt like all my accomplishments were negated by my illness and I was little more than a drain on what few societal resources there are. I even got to the point when I rarely bathed, did laundry, fed myself or get out of bed. As badly as I did not want to live, I didn't even bother with suicide attempts anymore as I failed at my previous efforts. All my accomplishments in life were invalidated by my disorder and I had no hope, no inspiration and I didn't even care anymore. I drove away anyone who tried to help me because I knew I was beyond help. I was little more than a drain on what little societal resources there were. I stopped eating and went off my meds because someone else would be better off if it weren't for my consumption. I felt my little girl would benefit from my life insurance policy. It ended in a suicide attempt where I was in the hospital, a ventilator breathing for me, unresponsive to even pain for nine days. I failed again, so I did the last logical thing I could think of, I decided to live.
I find the best way to get out of the hole you are in is to quit digging. Doing what you are doing is obviously not working so, do something else. Rather than driving others away, try saying hello and smiling at someone, regardless of how you feel. As scary as it is, keep posting and tell on your disease. Congratulate yourself on even the smallest of victories. Sometimes, its all I can do just to get out of bed and then make the bed, even if I plan to pull down the covers and crawl back in. Do not isolate, if that means just going to the grocery store when you don't need anything, do it. Participate in life, after all, you are alive. Its still a decision that I have to make every day when I get out of bed. Am I going to live in the solution or will I let my disorder overcome me? Everyday. Recovery isnt something you get, it is something you do. You can't do it alone, you will need a support system. Someone is always here, talk to a doctor, call 3 people each day even to only say hello and hang up again.
Regardless, take that phrase "broken" out of your vocabulary. It is negative self talk. The more you say you are, the more you will become. Try looking in the mirror and smile and find something beautiful in your image - its there, I know it is. Come up with a list of pick-me-ups, things that are realitively small but their accomplishments may bring you a sense of victory. Painting the house is doesn't qualify as a pick-me-up but maybe washing out the inside of your refridgerator would be a quick and easy victory. Play your stereo or IPod and sing out loud to songs and bring you happiness. Another thing I do today is go to the greeting card isle and start reading the funny cards.
Whatever you do, quit digging that hole. I have been down there myself and it is very difficult to get back out, even if that takes hollering at the top of you lungs.
Today, I am relatively happy even though I have bad day along with the good. There are so many components to address should you choose recover. I wish you my best and no matter what, dont' give up
ptk