I don't think he really means to hurt me (even though sometimes I think that he does mean to hurt me). I still get hurt either way. I get really really upset and cry a lot and think of harming myself.

An example of what hurts me:

One time I altered this administrator's picture and asked if he would put it on his website. I just wanted a simple yes or no answer but he didn't answer my question, so I starting thinking that he hates me and was ignoring me on purpose. I got pretty upset.

Then all of a sudden one day he just took the picture and put it up on the site! I was so super happy!

I did something later that got me blocked and a few days into my block, my picture go replaced and I starting thinking that he was further punishing me and wanted horrible things for me. During this time, I sort of lost control and started e-mailing the poor guy stuff that made no sense. I couldn't stop myself. It was horrible.