((((((((((Lily))))))))))))))

For me, I think it's both. I think the attachment came first...but in insecure kind of attachment, that would come and go. Here was someone who, after all of these years of dealing with things by myself, was listening to me, and hearing me, and not hurting me (yet!). It scared the hell out of me, but it made me want to be with him all the time, at the same time.

Like you, I've been with T for around 3 years, for HUNDREDS of therapy hours, hundreds of phone messages, hundreds of e-mails. I am attached to him in a much more secure way now, and I think I genuinely love him. For me, the love is about wanting the best for him, wanting him to be safe and have the things he needs, wanting him to be happy and secure in his life. The love is kind of about HIM. The attachment is about wanting him to be there for me, needing him to hear me and show me new and healthy ways of living my life. It is about needing him to love me.

I have all of those feelings (and more!) very strongly.

I think the question of "can I really love my T" and "can my T really love me" comes up a lot on PC...it can be a really confusing relationship, because it is so different from any other relationship we have.

When I used to work in mental health, even though I was being paid to be there, since it was my job, I truly loved some of my clients. I still wonder how they're doing, years later. Even though we are paying our therapist, they are still people with feelings, and we are still people with feelings. It's okay to love and be loved.