So, my T is out of town for most of the month. Luckily, he's in town for a day or two here and there, so I've still been able to have sessions, just much less frequently than I usually do. During his last trip out of town, we were able to connect by e-mail a little bit, which helped, but this time is is totally unavailable.

I am starting to have a really hard time. I am doing so much better since starting therapy, but something I'm not good at yet is sitting down on my own, quietly, at home, and checking in with myself to see what's going on with me. I am starting to unravel a little bit. I'm not hurting myself or using bad coping methods, but I AM tense and kind of on the edge.

Last night, my H said something to me that was SO not a big deal but it hit all of my triggers and I ended up crying and crying and wishing more than ANYTHING that I could just get away from MYSELF and my issues. I really don't feel like I can stand being with myself. And if i can't stand being with me, how can anyone else stand being with me? And so the spiral begins. blah.

I need to go and be with T for an hour and have me be OKAY. I am okay when I am with T, no matter what. I wish I could somehow carry that with myself, but I can't yet.

I see him thursday and it feels SO. FAR. AWAY.