I am trying to do that Perna. I need to find safe people. Prior to not feeling anything..... a hug or touch would send my body into spasms. Very painful. So much so that I have scared people.

So I have now made an agreement with my psychiatrist that we can have a hug at the start of our weekly session..... I really trust him. (Previously hugs from him were dangerous for me, in that my body would loose control and he would have to steer me back into my chair). Last time he forgot to do it at the very start and I had thought about it and I just couldn't do it all for the sake of a few minutes. I got scared.

Seeing some-one who does massages is a major leap forward for me. Even though cant remember her touch i do remember a couple of little neck spasms at the start. But when you are on the massage table and your head is stuck down a hole there wasn't a whole lot of room for movement so I took some deep breaths and got control back.

I can now extend a kiss on the cheek to friends on a good day. Its hard work though. I haven't always been like this but the introduction of trauma seems to have rewired my brain along a different path and I am trying to claw my way back.

Any suggestion Perna would be appreciated.