Oh Possum! I give you all in cyber hugs in the world if you would have them.

I've only ever told spouse and pdoc about this and I don't know if it helps, or relates to you in any way.

I can't handle anyone or anything touching my breasts, except myself. If touch occurs, I have to "hold/cover" it/them to ground myself. In public or with lessor known people, it's tough to do, I protect my breasts both physically and mentally, keeping some torso distance between the hugger and me. I do better accepting from those who matter and with time and therapy.

I understand the why's since breasts were the first body part that was molested, that I can recall. It's as if they are either dead meat or highly, highly sensitive. I carry them around as constant reminders and when they are touched, it's very hard. Very, very hard.

For me, it seems that 'touch' sets off all the warning bells. "No, no, please don't touch me". For me, sensation becomes intensified or eventually my sensation gets turned off, so to speak, so I can cope. I applaud you for getting massages. I've tried 2 in my life and I couldn't do either one. Ran to the dressing room with the sheet wrapped around me!! What a sight!

I think it's wonderful you trust pdoc enough for hugs. I'm cautious about hugs, too. But the more I give and take them, the better I am. I've even arrived at a place where I am 'present' enough to enjoy the hug and to be aware of more concrete real-time things. Smells of people (almost always pleasant ), their comfort level with the hug, the view around me, the intensity of the hug, so on and so on.

I feel like I've talked too much about myself and not enough about you. But I hope it helps you anyway.

I would love to give you safe hugs Ms. Possum, you mean much to me!!