Thanks to you who have responded to my post and the words of advice . Yes I do see a T and I have been screwy about having to analyze my every emotion of sadness . Realizing that I'm focusing to much on the things I can't do I use TV I guess to break my routine thought pattern and get me through the day. I am believing I'm going through a grief of the possibility that I may not feel well again .' Normally ' I am not the TV type , so I let go of my compulsion to think . Not having the personal support is where I don't see how anyone makes it through this . I find it hard to see others having to live as I am feeling with so much more responsibility . I can't keep learning about a dis-ease that gives me so much to depressed about . How do you keep yourselves going ? I'm just looking at moments and days at a time , and make routine of minimal events as feeding dogs ,taking pills , making myself eat , 20 minutes on a nordic trek ,feeding cats, watching TV, reading some of the post here when I can motivate to . How do you continue the routine of trying to feel better ?