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Old Aug 23, 2010, 02:07 AM
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sunrise sunrise is offline
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Member Since: Jan 2007
Location: U.S.
Posts: 10,383
I don't have just one goal in therapy. I have come to a lot of new understanding in therapy and been able to effect change in my life too. So I guess for me, they are intertwined. My main goals in therapy right now are to deal with my father's impending death, and to share with T (and deconstruct) some important events from my teen and early adult years that cause ripples to this day. I don't really have "change" as part of either of those. But T really does encourage me to face my father's death head on so maybe that is a "change" from how I might do it if I didn't consult him. And my early adult years left a bit of a shroud on me, and I want to be able to cast that off. So I guess it is change I may be seeking.... But understanding is key. It's interesting, BC, that you would try to separate those two from each other.

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackCanary
when I get close to change, I shut down
What do you mean? Like taking the last step to make a change is scary and so you hold back? Would it help to get more encouragement from T to take the plunge?

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackCanary
It was gentle. It was powerful for me.
Sounds like this was an approach that worked well for you. Some approaches work better for me in therapy than others. It's good to know this, so we can help our therapists out by telling them what works and what doesn't. (Or our preferences can help guide our choice of therapists.)

Quote:
Originally Posted by BlackCanary
When I might have distorted thinking, he did not tell me my thinking was incorrect, he might say "What about this?" or "Have you ever considered it this way?"
His approach would work well for me too. I don't think I would respond well if someone told me my thinking was incorrect. That sounds very judgmental to me and not very productive. I think the way your (former) T challenged you to consider your thinking yourself had more potential to promote change than simply telling you that you are thinking incorrectly. The same is true in the classroom. If a teacher spews a lot of facts at you, a lot won't stick. But if a teacher guides you to discover the answers yourself by asking key questions, the answers you come to are much more likely to stick. In therapy, when the T sees a client just once a week, or is only allowed to do a brief course of therapy such as only 12 sessions, there may be pressure to just tell the client a lot of stuff rather than let the client discover, because the latter does take longer. But the change has potential to be more lasting.... Also, I tend to think there are multiple ways to think about things rather than a correct way and an incorrect way. Yet I do respond well to "reframing". T can share a different way of looking at something with me, and I can try that on for size and see if it works for me. That seems really different to me than someone saying your thinking is incorrect...
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