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Some of you know I've had a rough few weeks with my t. We had a rupture because she'd responded tersely to an email i sent, telling her how important she was to me. Then, she switched around some of my session times and I/we got confused and i missed two of them. Then she went on vacation without telling me (although she thought she'd told me). In addition to that, i was having trouble dealing with the emotional pain of dealing with my issues.
I just didn't feel like t was there for me like she used to be. Through all of this, I felt very upset and I told her I felt this way. I also said i felt like the t relationship was being damaged and/or lost. Everything rolled into one had reached a point where I was losing my motivation to keep trying. I was tired of having misunderstandings/hurt feelings/problems and the pain of the attachment stuff, and I was starting to think it just wasn’t worth the pain. I asked her if we could do something on my next session to help me feel close to her again, and she said Yes.
When I went to my session last Wednesday, my t had set up two cups of tea for us and a sticky bun. She said something about wanting to have a little celebration with me. We also talked about the misunderstandings and hurt feelings, and she told me that even when I get hurt and feel like the relationship is going away, that she doesn’t feel that way. To her, the relationship is still here and intact. She said that so much, soooo much of what I’m going through is connected to the attachment problems I had with my mom as a baby/child. She told me it’s those hurt child parts that we really need to work with. She also told me that I should try to leave the therapy issues in the therapy room and not take on too much myself right now, as I overwhelm myself with my ruminating and get myself all worked up. I went away feeling happy and good, and haven't even needed to email my t at all since then because of the good feelings inside.
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