This is NOT a stupid question, it's the question at the heart of everything we've ever done, and the whole nature of BPD, isn't it?

One good way is to get a daytimer, one of those calendars, and write in it every day at the same time. Start with what you're seeing and perceiving- noises, sensations. Then write what you're feeling- not what causes it or where it goes, but ONLY the feeling, such as, "betrayed," or "angry" or "lost" or "empty." You don't have to categorise them, or analyse them, or tell the story- those can happen in your regular journal if you want, but that's not the point. The point is to get yourself looking every day not at what you think is happening, but only for the way you feel.

Then you can ask, "why do i feel bitter?" "what can I do about feeling empty?" But you'll be in a better position for it, because you can see what you feel better with practice. You do it at the same time so you catch days when you feel okay, too.

Also include things like, "things i want to tell myself" in your regular journal, because it gives you an opening to tell yourself important things about how you feel. Keep asking these questions. Also, keep asking, "how do I feel?" all the time. All the time! And shut off every answer that has to do with what's going on, like "he betrayed me." Instead, it's, "I feel betrayed and as if i might not have enough love." This leads to the question, "how can i connect with feeling loved," not "why did he do this to me."

It's NOT about what's going on, since our perceptions of what is going on are often wrong... it's about how we feel, which is real and can be dealt with! (and when you feel good, recognise that, say, "I feel good about having finished the dishes," or "I feel happy that my friend said something nice."

My therapist pushes this on my constantly, it's taken a couple months for me to really start feeling. But it helps.