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Hi I feel completly lost at this stage of my life, and it is so overwelming that it is making me sick and worthless.. I live with a woman and her 2 boys for 9 years now, we have not been intimate in 5 years now and the spark has died for me, she is still married to someone else , but sewperated for many years now. I am divorced for many years now from someone else. We first met at work, and things were find for 4 years, so we decided to move in together , her children were 14 at the time. They are now 23. well progressly thinks got to a point, like we are an old married couple with a living arraigement. Her boys are indiferant to me, they respect me , because she tells them too. but there is really no interaction between us. I am 55 now she is 52....She comes from a poorer situation then i did. the projects were no place for her and her boys. at this point i am the major bread winner and provive the roof over our heads and the food on the table....she pays the little things phone , cable.we have spoken , and she knows i am not happy with this way of living, because i really am not alive or in love any longer with her. But she accepts this fact any way and carrys on in this so-called life of ours , like nothing is wrong. I have been sleeping on the couch for 5 years now, because there is no spark for me any more, so i go through life hoping I will find a real relatenship again and fall in love. the reason I am still here is because i fear she would have a hard time making it on her own again..I am not heartless and i feel bad about this but people change and i feel that it is time to move on for me, and try to find my soul mate, am I wrong to have this feeling?..Then I get on facebook and meet a german womanand for 6 months back and forth with talk of love and she says that i am the one.she does not speak much english so there is problems..so now i am estactic thinking oh my god could this be poissible someone really loves me..it has been a long time for me since i've been intimate or loving with someone yes 5 years..well i go to germany, she is 41 by the way, well the first 3 days are bliss with this woman, then one day she came home late from work, and she saw this look on my face, well she never told me she had to work, and i am thinking, we will spend time together..she gets angry and storms out or the flat we rented and says i will go home, oh by the way this girl is married also, but seperated , but lives in the same house as her husband ., in seperate floors, well i am in the middle of this town with a half- hour walk to the main area...well what hasppens the fuse blows and i am left in total darkness with no one to call, her number was not wqorking at this time, the next day she comes and tells me i am trying to get you a flight to go home, well i freak especialy since i was just left in the dark, and she wants to leave me alone again...well i had enough and pack my bags, and after much more money wasted i am back home....i now feel very suacidel over this because i thought this was my last chance for a loving relatenship and i really thought this was it, she led me to believe this. I guss i am naive and stupid to believe all this, but i have no one to talk to and not much friends i can rely on and no family left....i feel very unstable now, because it seems all of this sadness in my life is coming to a head....ifeel depressed and just want to end it all...i cannot carry on like this anymore..i am too old now....what do i do, ....and the dumbest part about all this is i still have feelings for this german girl...i am insane, and i really need help before i completely lose it....well thank you for listening to me any way, and i know i am a lost cause......thank you again
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