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Originally Posted by Perna
Does this work well for you?
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As bad as it sounds... yes it does sometimes... I mean my cousin is in a relationship with a guy, and he supports a political party known for racial slurs, including one member who is a known racist and wouldn't sell her house to Muslims. So it kind of gives me some relief in thinking 'I'd rather be alone than be with someone who supports that'.
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What stops you from working on this with a competent therapist; making friends with who you are so you don't have to worry that someone else will hurt you because you will be able to care for yourself adequate to not get in that position or, if in that position, able to deal with it?
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I don't see my therapist often because she is too far away. She knows everything, she has even met my mothers ex and saw exactly what he was like. I did have a thing with one guy I met while I was overseas, she told me to use the opportunity to get used to it, because he would write me these letters, and it wasn't a direct thing. I was SO terrified, I couldn't even open his letters. I couldn't look at a photo of him. That's how bad it is for me. But I did what my therapist told me to, and it started to work. Until he went off with someone else and was with her while he was still talking to me... So that was like putting salt in the wound, you know? I kind of gave up after that. It's like it's all I deserve.
I don't know how to feel better. It's like an INSTINCT for me to be afraid. When I'm not in that situation I feel like I want to be with someone, but when I am in that situation the panic goes through me and all I want to do is get the hell out of there.