but this is going on for so long now...and I fear I am too old now to find true happiness...I know all the things you say are true, but I really can't think straight any more about things....it is so over welming for me , everything moves at a snails pace...and I am not getting any younger , i should not have left Germany like that....but she was very headstrong..i must wake up to reality and try to follow my inner feelings, but i sit here night after night, and my only form of commuication is my laptop...i am patetic, a fool who believes in something that will never happen for me...i will never be happy, .....i have truly come to the end of the line...and the funny part about all this is i always helped others with there problems and always held in mine, now it is all getting the best of me...and i feel like i am going to burst...because i was stupid with this german girl, who i feel deep down is the greatest and now she thinks i am an asshole...she is probaly reight i am a fool, to believe i would ever be happy....now another 10 years have gotten behind me, and where am i in limbo...unhappy , not sleeping and rapidly losing weight....i am a stupid sad patetic idiot who should just lie down by the side of the road, and let the world go on around me....i am patetic