My Support Forums - View Single Post - We saw some light at the end of the tunnel......

anderson · Aug 23, 2010, 03:06 PM

Hello, from all of us to all of you. We woke up in the middle of the night and did our usually Dumping letter to life. In four pages we basically repeated the same question of life. “Why?” Why do things happen the way that they happen and why do people hurt others just because they can?
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Now that those with in are starting to accept that we may never be able to stop our panic switching and that there are people that will use it to their advantage then shift the blame of their actions unto us. That one will always get us that we did what we did because we wanted to. No where is there a sign that says that we went to TGC to get help for alters that where getting hurt and that I needed help to reach them and to heal them from past abuse. But the real eye opener was We were domed from almost the beginning because one of the men that abused us for the past 9 to 10 years was a man that was well respected in the high arkie of the place. For the longest time we just though that he just did not believe in DID but instead he was just another man that found out that he could hurt us and no one would care about it. Least of all us because we were still to scared to share.
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Why did we not do anything earlier ? Why did we not protect ourselves ? How can some one protect them selves if the very people that should have been helping you to deprogram from the abuse was using it to their advantage?
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Well we got up and started to work on the church play ground. As we were working in small shift we remembered what one of the alters told the pastor the other day. The reason that we are doing what we are doing is that. We were just going to wash off the playground toys so that they would be more welcoming to the new children. But as we looked we realized that it did not matter how many times we washed them if the storm trench was not fixed the toys would be covered with mud each time it rain. So those within decided to fix it so that we only would have to clean it once a month not after each rain. In the process we found the sand box and found a place that will give us free wood chips. If we are allowed to finish then we will have found a place that all children are able to play and have fun.
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But as we were working we realized something. Even though we truly do not like to feel the pain and anger of what life has given us so far. In a way we are doing to our selves what we are doing to the play ground. It does not matter how many times we shower and scrub. If we are connected to someone that has an alter that is under their control and they are abusing that part of me then they are abusing all of us. So it is not until we get all of our parts free from those that abuse us then tell others that we do it in free will then we will never be free. For as long as there is one person that can hurt us and not face judgment then we are truly a slave to what our parents did to us to make us this way.
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But with the help of the Good Papa bears and coyotes then we do have a chance to be free and have a good life. We are still waiting for the apartment to be made in stone. But those that we talk to say that there should not be a problem. But after The last three years of being open season to abuse with only a small buffer by those that choice to help us when we had reach maxima overload. WE do need a place that we can feel safe and not be pushed out of. After we are there then we will look into a service dog to help us in public if we have panic switching.
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This is so much work just to find a way to have safe friends and a better tomorrow. But if it does work out then we will at least be near our son still and be able to see him. The parallels of life at times get us. But we feel better because this post is not a complete dumping letter.
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Thank you PC world for giving us a place to come to heal and the ability to trust that which we have totally lost faith in because we were not able to protect our selves and our son from the ignorance of others.