I think you're correct. You never had a good example of relationships and unfortunately you were exposed to your mother and the way she behaved. So you've grown up thinking sex in disgusting and seeing it used for the wrong reasons. I don't think there's enough emphasis on the act of making love as opposed to sex. What you saw was dysfunction related to sex/relationships and you didn't see the beauty that can come from a healthy relationship. I'm happy you had good friends who are men. I think if you did want to be involved with a man, it would have to be done very gradually. I hope you can get past this barrier.