Hi Evening
When I read your thread, all I read was "trauma" for you. Trauma from living in a world of dysfunction, triggers, abuse, lack of trust etc.

I'm not sure of your history as far as therapy or whether you see a psychiatrist but I sure hope you are getting some help. Have you ever been diagnosed with PTSD, Borderline or anything else?

There are support groups out there and I go to a womens trauma survivor group and it has helped me tremenedousely. Is there any local mental health places you can contact? Not sure where you live but you can try NAMI (national assoc of mental health) and then just keep asking questions and get contacts to your local services or groups.

There are also some good books out there like 8 keys to trauma recovery and I'm sure there might be more books that you can associate with and learn from...

I am finally seeing a "trauma" therapist because I need more then what my therapist could give me.

We can't change our genetics or our history but just the fact that you are reaching out for help or an understanding of how to live is great. There are plenty of us with similar stories and I really encourage you to reach out to local help.

The more I understand and reflect upon my past, the more I understand my present life. It might take a while but you will tackle this.... good luck...