My *T* is out of town, so he is not here to support me.

Today, I was in a situation where I disclosed my CSA AGAIN. AGAIN. I didn't *have* to do it this time. But I was in a small group recently where a woman, crying and crying, disclosed what had happened to her as a child and as a teen...and her story and mine are really exactly the same. I hate feeling so alone with it. I keep begging T to start a group because I just want someone else to say "yeah, I get it" - and he IS thinking about it - but in the meantime, I feel so so so so so so lonely and alone with it.

SO. I thought maybe this woman feels that way. and I know how much it sucks to feel like that. And i wanted to help her. so I told her And i told her I know it sucks to be alone with it and that's why I was telling her. And she was so so so grateful and I think it was the right thing to do but I'm not sure BECAUSE T ISN'T HERE. HE IS NOT HERE.

After I talked to her, I think I left him a message. I had (still have) the super crappy and awful migraine headache that I get when I dissociate, so I think the whole thing made me just leave for a minute.

T had one day during this break when he could e-mail, and he said all of the right things, but I need HIM.

Omg - I just remembered that on the message I left him, I said that what I needed to hear is he loves me and I will be okay, and i told him that he should change his answering machine message to "you're reached T, leave a message and I'll call you back, and if this is tree, I love you and everything will be okay". LOL that's funny now.

Anyhow. ANYHOW. here i am. again.