I know that feeling. Maybe exploding in some way would help you. If you're about to burst better do it in a controlled way then just ... exploding. Maybe tearing paper/items that are not worth anything could help. Personally also ranting in a journal helps a lot.

I know the cycle all too well - job = money for treatment but job REQUIRES treatment and health. I'm lucky - my parents are here to take care of me financially. Keep trying, getting better is the most important *hugs*