Yea I know. I want to work my way out but I like my own company so its a bit of a catch 22.

It is interesting because my son was away for a few weeks and I was alone in the house and I loved it. I missed him but I sure liked the space. It worked so well for me that even my mood swings were easier to deal with. I almost felt cured. LOL.

I think for me it is hypersensitivity that best describes my struggles. Even the sound of a motor bike can send me into a full meltdown. Somedays I can't even garden (my favourite thing to do) because there are too many sounds setting me off. I wear ear plugs sometimes but I pick up vibrations that can be just as triggering.

It was years before I finally made these kinds of promises to myself. It was when my physcial health started to really suffer from my emotional instability that I came up with the strategy of self promises. More then anything it is the impact on my physically that seems to motivate me forward. I can't take the residuals of the emotional extremes so I do whatever I can think to do in the moment to try to pull it back as many notches as I can. I don't always succeed and I suffer physically and mentally when I don't.

Everyday is a new day. Every episode a new episode. Every outburst an opportunity to react differently. Anger serves a purpose. Ask yourself what that purpose might be and see if you can't identify a different way to serve that same purpose.

For me it is often about being heard and understood. It then challenges me to find another way to be heard and understood without needing to ripe someones face off or lash out at objects or myself. It is still a constant struggle to see those needs in some situations or to see other unfullfilled needs but I get now that it is about an unmet need and not about what I am ranting and raving about in the moment the rage takes over.