The therapy "journey" seems to be getting into some scary waters.

On one hand T is asking me to look more and more closely at a long list of abusive stuff in my early life & look closely at how these various things manifested in my behavior growing up

and I hear T say, this is abuse, you have a right to be angry about all this, you have always accepted the blame for yourself and you are still doing it.

Alice Miller is wayyyy too harsh for me - face facts, your parents never loved you, get over it. I imagine T proposing that to me and I shrink away.

on the other hand I find T commenting that my Mom must have been overwhelmed having 5 pregnancies over 14 yrs, how she had to struggle coping with bad stuff that went on in her own life, etc, and it seems that I'm not to be angry with her after all. But the anger is still in me and now I don't know what to do with it.
When I hear T defending her, it makes me feel as if T is on my mother's side (as my mother sided against me with teachers, neighbor kids' parents, any adult) and from there it is only a step or two to thinking that her patience and caring for me is just a facade, a mask that is going to fall off one day and I am going to be told just what an ungrateful, hateful child I was & still am. I don't need a therapist to tell me that, I do a good job of telling myself most days.

it feels like I'm being given two different stories here. I know, life is not black and white, and blah blah blah, but - If the anger is justifiable, but turning it into myself is distorted, yet it's not to be directed at the parents, then what?? Why am I not getting it? Arrrrgh!!!