((((( Sitting )))))

What you describe reminds me of how I felt when first telling my T about things my dad did to me... (which he agreed were very wrong)... but when I told T about how my mom would punish me for the things my dad did, and she would not protect me from him... well T had me talk about my mom and I heard from T how things must have looked from my mom's side. I also read some books T gave me that dealt with the topic of adult children of alchoholics. I finally "got" that my mom had her own set of issues and such. But that didn't excuse her for what she failed to do by protecting me. But the whole time I was getting into all this with my T, I also suddenly felt very angry with T and felt like my mom was being defended rather than me. Once again having someone take the side of the adult rather than the side of the wounded child. And it made me mad!

The only way I was able to work through this was to talk with T head-on about this stuff and my emotions. When I did that, I learned that he was not defending my mom at all, but trying to help give me a new adult way to see the entire situation. When I looked at it in that light, I suddenly felt a sense of sadness rather than anger. I could see as an adult how the things she said and did were influenced by her own deep wounds. They were NOT an excuse for her actions. Just insight into her actions.

Hope this helps maybe in some way.