hello everyone. i just really need some hugs. i'm not doing very well, i'm finding it hard to keep things together. my life feels all over the place and i feel like i'm falling apart.

i'm seeing austin-t on thursday and next tuesday and then he's going away for a month which is ok because i don't like him anymore anyway and i'm being super guarded around him so i'm being a waste of space. i haven't seen pdoc for 9 weeks now but i dont want to see him anyway because he'll want me to go back on my meds and i don't want to do that anymore.

my ptsd stuff is coming up and im dissociating and freaking out and i dont know what to do other than i really wish someone was around to wrap me up in a doona and hold me and let me go to sleep.