I can totally relate to you Yoda with losing a person you care about. About two years ago while working at my last job, (welder, steel fabricator) in between lay offs, I had a co-worker, who was like a mentor to me, was one of two people that taught me everything I know with steel. But one day he was crushed to death by having 4,200lbs of steel fall on him and basically destroy every internal organ and bone. It was very tragic and I didn't know how to move on, I was stuck in my mental state that it should have been me. He was 66 years old, almost a year from retiring. It was supposed to my job but he did it instead. Not only do I feel the overwhelming feelings of guilt about his passing, but every year right around now, September actually, I do the same thing. I get depressed, I constantly am dragging my feet cause I feel like I shouldn't be having any fun when my co-worker should be alive and I should be dead. But it's never ever easy losing someone that you care deeply about. All you can do is try to keep your head up and realize that your loved ones wouldn't want to see you like this because of their passing. They would want us to be happy in every endevour we endure during our lives. We are supposed to carry on the torch for them...Make them proud.