Sounds as if you are very down right now. That can effect all areas of your life. Sounds like it is. It was already stated you shld work on getting healthy before working on new relations. Its true that is the first step. Go see your doctor start therapy work on meds if you need. Whatever it takes to get back up. Now you are only 55. Yes only. There are many many years left which you have to take full advantage. This whole woman in germany deal also is something to not fret over. Seems that she was not interested in anything real, that there is some need she is trying to fulfill through adulterous relationships. It didn't work out the way she planned. Better for you anyway. Don't want someone that is spoken for. take time to start caring about you for awhile. That's really what at seems needs to happen before anything else. When you start feeling a little more selfassured then take the next steps to finding the companionship you desire.