another f*ll m**n...considering how terrible this month has been, i'm not surprised its f*ll m**n is throwing us for a loop...
i was really bad off last night. a few of the mute littles were upset, and trying to help them express it through making a collage with pictures & photoshop only seemed to make it worse. wanted to c*t really bad but couldn't so ended up sitting at the computer for hours trying to numb out. SUI feelings were bad. body memories too, bad ones. that started around 8. by 11:30 it was all dissociated i guess because i just felt empty. c*t twice, not too severe.

been swinging back&forth on the whole "denial" issue...between thinking it's real and then it can't possibly be. repeat cycle several times an hour.
it could just be the energy from the f*ll m**n making me anxious and ****ing with my already ****ed-up mind...it's all just a delusion probably...empathy or something...