I know exactly what you mean. I have been there. As soon as my T gave me the smallest hint about seeing my parents in a different way I got furious. I thought he said that I was the one to blame, that I was not at loving person because I blame my parents for hurting me. Yeah, I did because they were responsible for not meeting my needs. I was hypervigilant regarding this stuff and projected it out. I accused him for not being on my side.

My T wanted me to see that my parents behaviour had nothing to do with me, that they wasn’t able to be loving, caring and understanding because of their own problems, not because of me and wanted me to talk about my guilt. Now I know that my T always has been on my side. He has helped me to understand that my parent’s abuse and neglectful behaviour was not ok.

It is NOT your fault. Don’t think even for the slightest moment that this is your fault. And try not to hide your feelings and thoughts about this from your T. Tell him exactly what you have telling us. He is definitely on your side. And maybe you can ask him about his thought regarding forgiveness?

I have met a lot of people who said they have forgiven their parents but eventually it showed up to be a false forgiveness. Forgiveness is not a choice anyway. You can not just make a decision about forgiveness, you have to do the inner work and then maybe the forgiveness come to you as a result, not because of a conscious decision.

So don’t rush through this, take your time, blame your parents as long as you need to. That’s the only way to resolve the anger you have towards your self. This anger has to be directed towards your parents. And even if you never ever are capable to forgive your parents, you are not a bad person, just a person who has been severely hurt.