((((((((((((SAWE)))))))))))))))

I am reminded of something that happened at my last appt with T. I was telling him that sometimes when i tell him stories, I'm afraid he's going to take my husband's "side" (since they're both men!) and I said "you should ALWAYS be on my side". And T looked right in my eyes, deeply, and just said "You're right". It felt so powerful. Like...T really WILL be on my side. I soooooo get that need.

T hasn't dared to broach the subject of forgiving my parents. I think there was one time that he was pointing out that a lot of my mom's behavior probably had to do with her alcoholism, but that was it. Sometimes, I can feel myself coming to my own little insights...they were very young, they were addicts, they had their own life experiences to deal with. i just have a *glimmer* of that, but I'm just not ready to go there yet. *I* had my children young, *I* went to AA, *I* am dealing with my life experiences through therapy, not by pushing them onto my children. Huh. I guess I'm not quite at the "forgiveness" yet.

I think there is probably a time for everything, and maybe this isn't the time for that for you (or for me). Try to hold on to this: even if they had "reasons" for behaving as they did (blah, whatever), that certainly does not mean YOU are at fault in any way. Whatever their life experiences, they are responsible for their behavior. And it is your right to heal at your own pace and in a way that is right for *you*.

Talk, talk, talk about this with T. Some of my most empowering moments in therapy have been times when I've disagreed with T and I've found the strength inside to argue my own viewpoint. You have that strength, sawe....I've seen it here on PC.