I'm just trying to keep writing here because I don't know what else to do. I feel like I want to do anything, anything, to stop feeling how I feel right now. And I can hear my T telling me that it will pass, that it's like a wave that comes and goes, and I know that is true, but it just keeps coming and only goes for a second and then it's back and how am I ever going to sleep when I know this is waiting for me the instant I let down my guard? So all I can do is sit here and let the waves come and feel it and feel it and feel it until I can't DO it anymore and I break and that's it.