This only lasted for a few seconds, it was black, nothing in the "room" but I knew I was in my head. For the few seconds I was not in the chair and the little girl was there, I was defending her right to heal and feel and be.
Then I returned to the chair with her and could see through the eyes again. But i have only ever seen them in my dreams...for about 25 years now.
Talked to T at length today and told her everythign, including a dream I had last night that woke me in a panic. We discussed it and I feel alot better now.
I am healing as it comes and processing as I go. But there is a repeating thing in my dream that i have no idea what it means, but T said she does, but better for me to let it come as it will...when I am ready to see it.
One day at a time, I guess, lol.
She said that there were a few things that should make me feel better, less afraid.
1) on a scale of 0 - 100: 0 = normal without dissociation & 100 being full MPD, that I fall about 75.
2) Full MPD ALWAYS has an opposite sex alter. ( she said that is criteria for diagnosis) w/ lost time and out of character behaviour reported for lost time.

I do not fully fit these criteria, but close. She said now we watch and feel and heal and see what comes.
There have only ever been three, and they are all female and she said that I "compatmentalized" my ego....self...to survive the trauma. And that the concious awareness was a good thing. I sure hope she is right...
Thank you all for the support and info. It really does help. Thanks for caring.... And for sharing, I know it is not easy...