Quote:
Originally Posted by sanityseeker
This thread and poking from family members gave me cause to open the door to meds. I have reached the end of my tolerance level going it without meds so I talked with my new GP about trying the meds. Treading slowly I accepted a script for 25mg of Seroquel nightly in an effort to at least regulate my sleep. Since he has no real experience treating bi polar I wasn't comfortable edging into mood stablizers or anti depressants under his direction. If I were to take that step I would need to engage a Pdoc was my thinking.
Anyways the last week with the Seroquel has not gone very well. The first night was good. Asleep within 10 or 15 minutes and out for a good 9 hours. It was wonderful. Tuesday I didn't take one because I stayed up too late. The good sleep the night before had me almost manic with energy and I didn't want to slow it down and stayed up most of the night only getting a couple of hours sleep the next night. Wed on I was more disciplined. Set a reasonable bed time and took my pill but it didn't knock me out anything like it did the first night. The struggle to get to sleep was as bad as ever but once I did get to sleep it knocked me out for hours. When I did wake to an alarm or on my own I felt very hung over. The hang over feeling lingered all day. My mood cycled and at least once each day I struggled through a meltdown. The fatigue triggered overwhelming emotions.
I saw the doctor again today to report on the effects of the Seroquel and to review recent bloodwork to check my thyroid. I had been struggling with fatigue, weight loss, appetite loss and rapid cycling and I really thought it was all due to my thyroid being out of wack. Turns out my thyroid is good and everything else checked was good too so still no explanation for the symptoms.
The doc suggests I reduce the seroquel by half but he admits he is drawing strays because he doesn't know what else to suggest. He offered me an anti-depressant but I said not yet because I worry since I cycle so rapidly it could be a problem. I hear anti-d's can increase suicidal ideations and I have enough of those without them to take that risk. In the end he said give it a couple of weeks on the reduced dose and if I am still not getting sleep without the hangover he would refer me to a pdoc to look at other med treatment.
I struggle with the feeling that this med trip is all I feared it to be. A long long journey through a new kind of hell in hopes the gamble will pay off. In hopes the bliindfolded science will somehow magically spin out a miracle. I think one needs to believe or at least have confidence in a course of treatment. I am struggling to find that faith and confidence.
I will take my 12.5mgs of Seroquel tonight and see how it goes tomorrow. Unfortunately I need to make a living somehow and zero to 4 hours of dragged effort to function every second day isn't going to cut it. I will take the pill because my family wants me to make an effort with meds and I guess because I am lossing hope I can get any better without them. I am just not sure I will get better with them either. Finding that out for sure could just be the straw that breaks my back. What will I have to consider if meds fail too? I think that is behind my fear right now. What if they don't work? Its one thing to refuse them for whatever reason. Its another to find out they don't make a difference.
Not sure this was the right place to share my recent med experience but since this thread starting me on this journey it seemed the right place to me.
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Oh, I am so disheartened to read your reply, I feel for you in my heart. I heard the frustrations that you are feeling regarding medication, your family and your diagnosis.
Imagine if you will a five story building. "Earth People" live on their stories although in
response to life event, they might descend as far of the first floor, denoting extreme depression. Yet they "major depressives" or "earth people" live on the third for, denoting relative stability of mood.
Those established with unipolar depression and again, exist somewhere between the first floor, exteme depression; the second floor, moderate depression and the third, relatively stable in neutral mood.
Those of us diagnosed with Bipolar II range between the first floor and the fourth, denoting hypomania. Yet the ability of the the bipolar II to regulate their mood is little different than the that of the unipolar. Haven't you heard someone say to a depressed person, "Oh, just snap out of it!" or "Quit feeling sorry for yourself" or my personal favorite, "Just be glad you are not crippled!" If anyone has yet heard these kind of statements as being effective treatment for chronic depression, regardless of severity, I have yet to hear of a success case.
That leave those of us that are diagnosed with Biplor I (of which I am diagnosed) going to that horrible floor of mania leaving of in a dark scary room where some of us see of hear demons, lose our sense of reasons and cannot distinguish that from delusions, our behavior is directly related to how the mania effects each of us. While feeling I am invincible and the demons are telling me in my mind that I could fix all my problems if I just opened the window and jump but that I would not be committing suidice. This last description was a literal story of one of my experiences and my 15 year old daughter found me climbing through the window insisting, happy as can be, that "They told me how I could fix everything." She pulled me in so hard that she dislocated my shoulder while pinning me down and calling 911. No, I have relinquish custody long ago but she does visit me, and thank God she was with me that day even though it makes me sick to think that I put her through that.
Again, without mood stablizers, I have no control over that express elevator. Rapid cycling I relate to spending a lot of time on that elevator going to whatever floors our diagnosis designates, yet still we are constantly moving from floor to floor.
Mixed state presents a more difficult comparison for me as I am physically unable to be on two diffent floors at the time yet my mind seems to separtate so that I can be on the fourth floor and the first floor simulanteously. If you want to talk about feeling out of control, that defines it for me. Worst yet, is the realization is the one that comes to me after a few days of large dosages of anti-psychotics and mood stabilizers, that I had yet another episode.
I have referred to the action of two different types of medications, mood stabilizers and anti-psychotics (although they also help in minimizing the effect of our reactions to our moods as they shift). You needn't be diagnosed "psychotic" to benefit from the atypical-antipsychotics.
You expressed concern over suidial ideations as a risk associated with the newer age of anti-depressants that operate by chemically preventing our synapses from uptaking the Serotonin (neurotransmitter) that was released by those same synpases. Hence the title, Selective Serotonin Reuptake Inhibitors. Recently, the FDA approved another class along the same line that effects the reuptake of two different neurotransmitters. By having an excess of one or two of these floating around in the brain, it, in part, relieves the sensation of depression. Yet, the suicidal ideation risk is mostly directed at children, teens and very young adults. That is the reason that it is necessary that this particular client be followed very closely by both psychologists and psychiatrists. The actual statistic correlation is quite small yet the correlation exists, therefore, the FDA regulations to make such a warning compulsary. If you read the cautions on any medication, prescription or OTC, they are there at the regulation of the FDA so those that choose to take these medications be aware with the associated risks. The warnings pertaining to SSRIs or SNRIs is emphsized because that risk is mortal and permanent in a population that might not even be old enough to vote. I see where it serves a dual purpose, it gives parents pause to rush to the doctor to prescribe a drug that is inappropriate since it is not designed to treat teenage angst. Yet those that do warrant that prescription are warned to participate in the young person's recovery.
Regarding Seroquel specifically, I have spoken at length with both a neutral (not my pdoc) pdoc whose specialty and research is directly related to BPD and a psychopharmacologist regarding the wide range of milligrams prescribed to different patients. Both made me aware that the drug representatives a few years aog, were delivering free samples to the pdocs (as phamecuetical represntatives also do) but they also gave to the doctors a gift of a coffee cup advertising Seroquel that had a bulls-eye with the number 600 in the middle subliminally suggesting the typical prescription strength to be presribed! I was told that 600 milligrams per day is ridiculously high. I told of other patient's whose dosages ranging for 12.5mg to 800 mg per day. I was told that the minimal effective dosage is in the neighboor of 300 milligrams per day but the correlation between seroquel, continues to increase of diabetes mellistus. However, I was also informed that the minimal effective dose is at 100 milligram. Upon telling pdoc he commented that I chose the most expensive sleeping pill on market. Hence, I confimed his opinion with two other indepentent resources avaliate that opinionl
I know my post was long but I really would like you to see a pdoc. If I came across as condesending, please forgive me but its late and I have some payers to make.
Best wishes
ptk