Violet, I cannot relate to the SI issues, but the other stuff is all to real for me.
When I get this way, I try to sit in a quiet place and close my eyes and look inward at what is being shown, said or felt adn then ask "Where is this coming from?" I clear my mind and ask, I ussually get an image or a flash and then I try to see more detail and notcie the feelings around a certain image or symbol.
I write it all down, when I am able. It gets really scarey at times, I FEEL exactly what is going on at the time of the trauma.
The more I fought it, the more it SCREAMED at me ( thru feelings, etc). I now try to decode my dreams, flashes and feelings. It has helped alot.
I have learned that the dreams and scenes are very significant, and that they may not show the exact "playout" of the events, but the core message is always acurate and on point. Some of the details may be jumbled, but the message is true. It cause alot of confusion.
example: I had a dream about something that happened to me. It was not acurate in the surrounding imagery, but the actions were real. The people did not look like the people who did this to me, but the feeling it was them was acurate. Like I would say, he acts like Dad, but he doesn't look like Dad. His eyes are just like Dad's, but he doen't look like Dad.
It was too painful for me to see my Dad doing these things, but I KNEW it was him. The guy was a stand in for him, because I was not ready to see the real image, at the time.
Sometimes I may see w oman in an outfit that my mother wore and she is doing something in my dream. She represents my mom, but doesn't look like her. But I feel it is her. My feeling memories are very strong, intense and I have them flash on me at times, very overwhelmingly.
I do not know if this will help you, but it works well for me.
I am sorry you are going thru this...
But I hope you find a way to let it come through, so you can see, feel and heal from it.
Many safe hugs...