This is how I see what's happening - deep inside you long for that special connection and you feel envious. You're inner feelings are having a tug of war contest - there's the Evening who wants a relationship and an Evening who is afraid of intimate relationships. Your past has painted a pessimistic picture and it's convinced you that it's hopeless to try. You're able to make friends but your sub -conscious holds you back and prevents you from sending out the "I'm ready for a relationship signals'. I suspect guys have been attracted to you and may have subtly sent you clues but you block them. So the reason you don't have a partner yet, isn't because you're not attractive or appealing personality wise - it's because you're not able to be open to the idea...due to your upbringing.

I don't know if you get the Oprah show in your country but she did several shows on, how to make things happen in your life. They talked about making a 'vision board' -where you think about life goals and how you envision your life. You mentioned earlier, "you're afraid you'll remain lonely living with a bunch of cats". This is obviously a 'pessimistic vision'.

Naturally you need to work on detaching yourself from the negative examples you saw growing up. The depression also fills the mind with negative thoughts and lies. So if you desire a relationship, it will take some hard work to get yourself in the position to receive this in your life. You can still start with your own Vision Board or even simply writing down positive visions of where you want to be in the future. You're already doing one - which is actively searching for the Pet Store job and requesting good vibes and prayers - this is very good because it shows you know how to make something happen. The same thing can happen with finding a special guy in your life - you need to work on opening yourself up and tearing down the wall of fear. You can't take a plant and plop it is dry soil with no nutrients or water - the soil needs to be right to nourish the plant. The same goes for you - a guy won't come into your life in the intimate way, unless you're ready to welcome it. A woman can be gorgeous but if she sends off unreceptive vibes, she'll end up alone. The opposite is true - I've seen fairly unattractive people and they have no problem finding partner because they're have charisma - look at Larry King lol. So you have the desire to have intimacy but it doesn't match your inner subconscious which is holding you back. Best of luck .