jexa, I never started therapy until my Mom died, though I could have used it all through my childhood. I was 34 when she died. I went without therapy for about 10 years but I was very busy raising my kids then. I didn't think I needed it anymore.

I was LOOKING for someone to obsess about, though I denied that in my mind, when I started seeing my former T about 7 years ago. Also for someone to be there for me because my kids were growing up and leaving home. I really thought I'd see her once/month for the rest of my life, and that would be it. But when I realized she couldn't help me anymore, I wanted to try "one more time" to work through the unmet needs of childhood. My T says that I can do that. But, in the meantime, I want to be with her too much, just like the others. I'm really frustrated, but will stick with it because IFS and EMDR are different, and my T thinks they will help.

The hand-holding was triggering, but served a purpose to get T to understand me better. She hasn't emailed me yet.

granite: I appreciate your hugs very much.