Jewels, you do deserve to have friends! And no one has the right to tell you that you are no good, or that you should just get over it. Anyone who says such things is ignorant and cruel.
Sometimes when we have horrible nightmares that we cannot shake, we try this. As we try to fall back asleep, rather than try to distract with thinking about something else, we focus on the nightmare. Only this time, we picture things that can help. Maybe we have a weapon, armor, wings, sometimes we picture the attackers head and look through the skull to picture a huge glossy blood clot - they have a massive aneurism and die before us, or we picture help arriving, armies, police, knights in shining armor.
Sometimes this helps, sometimes it doesn't, but maybe it would be worth a try.
We are sorry for all you are going through right now. If you need to shut your door a little to be safe, do, but don't lock it and throw away the key. Open it again as you can. ~Emma