i know this threads old but thats okay isnt it?
last week or two, ive been detached and emotionless, empty, not caring and as a result have failed all of my trial exams for final yr of school. the part that worries me though, is not that i didnt get my usual A's but that my results don't bother me in the slightest. i feel like i should be concerned.

i've been so floaty and insubstantial, i've been distracted from everything by my thoughts. my senses are numbed. my memory is shot. i couldn't tell you what i did yesterday. i don't know what day of the week it is. im being followed by two people, i can sense them, i know they're there but for the most part, they remain quiet and hidden. (this is only recent, as in the past two months)

i feel like im about to crash back into a depression. im on the verge, im feeling the hopelessness, and despair starting to set in... but ive only met my pdoc once, and she suspects i have bipolar, so i probably wont be able to get meds for quite a while (i had antidepressants last year), although they didnt trigger a manic episode so maybe i dont actually have bipolar.
i would love to know what is causing me to feel (or not feel) this way. it's wreaking havoc on my productivity and success in school, friends, relationships, family. i want to kill myself, but i can't particuarly be bothered at the moment.