Heather,
I think the feeling that some of us are having is because of different reasons. I am not agreeing with Anyone and my reasons for feeling the way I do are my reasons. Just maybe the feeling is simular.

I have posted many times to Foolish and he as well as anyone who read them knows what I think about that.

I didn't mean to say that I don't feel cared about here. I do very much. I know there are people here who care for me a great deal and I feel the same about them. Yourself included. It's not even that I don't want to stay in touch but more that right now I can't. I have been thinking alot about this and here's what I have come up with:

I am not happy in my life. It is hard. It takes alot of energy to get thru the day. There is something I receive here and that is the ability to help people. To support and encourage and maybe give some advice. That is good. It makes me feel productive and that maybe I have done something to help someone.

The down side of that is it becomes very draining and it takes away from me focusing on my own needs and taking care of myself. It is too easy to get wrapped up in what everyone else is doing and forget or ignore my own needs and what I should be doing for myself. Selfish maybe but I think most of us agree that we need to care for ourselves first.

I stopped doing that. I focused alot of time and energy into talking, helping and being here. I stopped focusing on my own needs. It caught up with me. I am on my way back up but every bit of my energy and focus is on me. Trying to figure out what I need to do to make my life better because I don't want to be unhappy anymore. I want to live my quote.

I do get hugs and kind words from people here and that's nice but it isn't solving my problems and no amount of hugs or kind words will. I need answers that can't be answered by anyone else but me. What was at first isolation when I crashed became a realization that what I need are people in my every day life. I know some people like to think of this place as part of thier real life and it is but for me I need more. It's nice to have friends online but I don't want them to be the only ones and I don't want my best friends to be at the other end of my computer. I am sorry if that is hurtful to anyone but that is MY reality. I don't have a wonderful husband or significant other or family that really cares about me and they are far away anyway. I am trying to build my life again. I don't have the basics that friends on the comp add to. I need to get the foundation first.

Does this make any sense? I hope so. I do care about people here. I am just prioritizing and taking care of my needs right now.

Hugs,
Heidu

There is a time in life when you stop existing and start living.
There is a time in life when you are given a new chance and new dreams.
There is a time in life when the old is to be forgotten and the new embraced.

There is a time in life......And that time is now.
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