I don't know if I can help, but I want you to know that I can certainly relate. I have a father that is great, caring, loving, and all the good stuff. He is also a control freak and cannot stand for things not to be exactly as he thinks they should. I am a 29 year old woman that is afraid to get a tiny little cute tatoo on my toe bc I don't want to deal with the chaos that would ensue. He knows most of the troubles I face (not the mental ones) and offers suggestions to help, which is great. But then if I don't take or use his suggestions he will go on and on and on about why he thinks I should or shouldn't do whatever. He can find a million ways to reword and say the same sentence or idea 1 million times in a phone conversation.
I am a veterinarian but have not been in practice since graduating vet school 3 years ago. I am excited and determined to be practicing in the near future but I am also scared to death. I have forgotten most of what I learned in school and know that I have a lot of work to do before I can be a good doc. My dad hates the vet that I worked with for so many years growing up, and now my future mentor and boss. They just clash bc my dad thinks it should be done one way and clarke thinks differently. But since he won't do exactly what daddy wants, he is all the bad words in the book. Daddy had some friends calling me the other day to ask advice on a cow. I had not seen or talked to these people in years and years. I didn't return the call and told my dad that I couldn't have people calling me like that when I am still half way across the country bc there are laws and things called patient/client/doctor relationship. He said that he has had vets his whole life talk to him over the phone and why shouldn't I. I explained that I could when I am practicing, but that it was inappropriate now. He said I was gonna be just like clarke and hung up on me. It hurt really badly. He compared me to someone that I know he truly doesn't like or respect. All bc I didn't conform to the way he thinks it should be done.
My husband and I will be moving back home soon and will have to stay with my folks for awhile until we find a place to rent/buy. I know that I am an adult and have to let it slide off my shoulders, but it is hard to do that. I still feel like that little girl that cringes when daddy raises his voice a little. I know that it will be a challenge to live at home with them again, but I hope we can have as little confrontation as possible throughout. I hope too that we only have to stay with them for about a month or so.
I have done better with realizing that I just have to let him be. I have to mainly ignore him and do what I want to do bc he is just blowing smoke in the end.
I have also tried telling him my feelings and he also thinks I am too sensitive and should just get over it. He does not know about my mental health issues bc he doesn't believe in that kind of thing. He would tell me to get tough and do what it takes to live life. He does not believe in most medicine. Even pain meds to help him walk. He is pre-diabetic and is finally starting to realize that medical stuff is real and can affect him whether he wants it to or not. I am a doctor and he still doesn't like to listen to what I have to say on the subject.
In the end I know that he is just like an old person set in their ways. He is never going to change and I will only be miserable if I try to get him to. I have to be ok about it when he gets pissed at me. I have to tell myself that I don't have to get upset just bc he doesn't approve of something I have done or said. It is hard not to feel like a little girl and curl up like I am in trouble, but I am slowly starting to be able to do that.
See if you can just let it slide off you when he says things that aren't supportive. I'm sorry that I don't have anything more helpful to say. I just wanted you to know that I do relate to your situation.